she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
