The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
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