A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I just pynch a tree in the face
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize