they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize