Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
