ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
