I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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