Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Randomize
