SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
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