Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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