you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
