I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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