I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I just found a bag of teeth...
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
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