She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
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i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
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So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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