I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
