I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
