She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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