i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
We have started to decorate penises.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
