Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
