just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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