i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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