Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
