sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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