Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
