He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
