I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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