none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Even the bartender felt bad for me
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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