Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
dude. I can hear the air.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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