Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
