after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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