My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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