one word: firstdatebathroomanal
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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