I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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