The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
