i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
