It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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