I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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