My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Randomize
