Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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