the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
