Kiss
Puke
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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