What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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