i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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