i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
