how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
