OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
