i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
