shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
