bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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