The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
