And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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