My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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