I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
