my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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