The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
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