now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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