the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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