Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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