so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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