Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
