I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
