Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
