their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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