you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Randomize
