the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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