he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
