Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
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