He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize