College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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