Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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