theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
