Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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