She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
