And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
