Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
