Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
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and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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