Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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