Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
