"it" just moved
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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